Keep on keepin' on.

This week was a little bit of a bust for my little abode, and I let a lot of factors get in the way of making healthy choices. I also stopped caring for a minute there because I got sick and I got angry at a lot of things happening this week, and I slacked off in every possibly aspect of life.

Today is a new day, though, and I'm feeling better - and there's no excuse not to do what needs to be done for my health, and the overall wellbeing of my family.

It's kind of funny, last night, Mr. A and I were talking about how hard it was to get out of the mindset of "let's just grab food {because we're lazy, because we don't have any food in the house, because we're too tired, because we're too busy, etc.}", and how I kept thinking how I'd rather grab food last night rather than cook. But the menu item we had planned was awesome! And we always have made amazing pizza together. He even said last night, "Let's just go get food, it's late, you're tired, the baby is hungry..." And I told him no. And then we got home, and I thought he'd looked at our dough (we got this amazing smelling dough from Trader Joe's the other day) for instructions, but I guess he was just dealing with other kitchen stuff, so when we went to make it about half an hour later (it's 7 at this time - late enough as it was), we found that the dough had to be sat out for 20 whole minutes at room temp.

What. The. Eff?

I was so upset. I wanted pizza, and I was tired, and I wanted it to just be done, and I got angry at the hubs for not checking this (mainly because he'd been eyeballing it since the day before!), and it was almost our little nugget's bedtime... We can't make noise in the kitchen because it's right next to her room, you see, because she's so perceptive about it that if we even make NO noise, she'll usually hear us. It's kind of ridiculous. So, we opted for ordering out. I don't know why I didn't just say let's eat sandwiches and be done with it (I think our lunch meat is bad, but I didn't even bother having him check)... but I didn't, so I feel a little bad about that, but at least we know for tonight, and that's a plus.

But anyways, this week has been crazy. We had court on Thursday, and I was stressing about it - we ended up waiting 2.5 hours to be shuffled into a room with a bunch of other people who had been waiting just as long because they were running out and time and wanted to go home (as if we weren't all thinking that). So without any privacy, his "crimes" were read before three other people, he wasn't allowed to speak to explain how they had actually made a mistake in his case, and was told he was only being read his rights, wasn't eligible for a court-appointed lawyer because his crime didn't carry the possibility of jail time, and that if he understood, we were allowed to leave. It was a shit show, pardon my language.

It seems as if it's going to be something dragged out, and we're going to be searching for a lawyer. But it's fine, we'll get through it. 2014 is still going to be our year! Positivity is what we need right now, so I'm striving to achieve that.

I meet with the person heading the wellness program on Tuesday after my classes to get my measurements taken and discuss the program and my needs. I'm also going to be joining a friend working out this week to get acquainted with the school facilities and get my muscles used to working out again before the program starts. Both should provide oodles of excitement.

Now it's time to go make the nugget and myself some lunch and get her ready for her afternoon with her Nana. Perfect time for mama to do some homework and much needed housework.

Have a great Sunday, y'all.

Well, that didn't take long at all!

I opened up my email this afternoon to find that I had a message from the overseer of the wellness program at my college. Lo and behold, I got in! I'm equal parts excited and nervous because I know - I just know - that whatever these trainers have in store is going to kick my ass. And probably make me puke a few times, while they're at it. Ahh, the life of being out of shape... Not for much longer, I hope. At least I'll really get to put those new workout clothes to use, and for that, I'm truly excited. As much as I know I'll hate working out because I have the whole issue of being embarrassed by my own sweat and inability to breathe while doing anything more strenuous than just, y'know, walking normally, I know that I'm going to love it at the same time.

Today was a bit of an off day. I wanted to eat everything, it seems - and I drank a lot of water, too, so I'm not sure what the deal is. Mr. A accidentally broke my new glass bottle, which made me sad.. We had to go get another one, so I didn't get to drink as much of my sassy water as I was hoping for, but at least I did hydrate liberally today (or, at least, what equates to liberally for me, seeing as how I rarely drink anything these days). Eating was a bit off. I feel like I snacked a lot, and in truth, I likely did. And I didn't want to cook dinner at all - I wanted to eat out (old habits die hard), but we did, in fact, cook at home. I'll count that as a win.

Tomorrow is a busy, busy day. I have class until noon, and then Mr. A has court at 3:30 to take care of this business of him getting wrongly arrested. Ugh. I don't even want to go into it, the whole mess is just more trouble than it's worth, and a lot more frustrating than it ever needed to be. But, at least our car is fully 100% legal now, so I don't have to bite my nails worrying about being out and about. I'll just save them for other stressors. Haha.

I can't believe classes are in full swing again. I missed this morning's... already. Yes, I know, I know - shame on me. This just serves as a lesson that, on Wednesdays, don't get up and start doing dishes, because then you'll lose track of time, and then when you do get to school 3 minutes until your class starts, there won't be any parking spaces available nearby enough to justify you even trying. I hate being late, and for a 50 minute class, there's no point in parking where I'll have to walk for 10 minutes, thus ending up 15-20 minutes late. But I have this class on Friday, too, and I was told I didn't miss anything major. I'm just planning to spend some time studying this weekend, aka reading the book. Gotta start this semester out right, and actually utilize the idea of doing work outside of the classroom. Fun times.

Also, today, I discovered that I do not like berries very much. Which is sad - because I want to. But, it's not really going to happen anytime soon. I'll just hide them in stronger flavors, I guess.

Here's to hoping tomorrow is a better, stronger day - and that court goes well. Have a good evening, y'all.

Fingers crossed.

I have a lot of prospects in the works right now, so I'm pretty excited/anxious/terrified. I spoke with a friend of mine who has done the Wellness program that I applied for at my school, and she said they rarely turn people out, but that I should be forewarned that they're going to put me through the paces and kick my ass. It's probably just what I need, and while I'll hate every minute of it - I'll learn to love it. And I'll certainly enjoy the results I'll get. I'm not sure when I'll hear back from them as to whether or not I've gotten in, but I went out and bought a few gym outfits - it doesn't matter whether or not I get in, because I still plan to put the facilities to good use. After all, I pay a giant chunk of my ass every semester to let them sit there, might as well get my money's worth in more than just the academics.

Speaking of academics, this semester is going to suck a little bit. I'm stuck somewhere between thinking my statistics class is going to be alright, and thinking it's the end of the world. And I really hate writing giant papers, but it seems that for many of my classes, it's become a requirement. C'est la vie. I'm going to rock this semester as hard as I possibly can, and if I'm lucky... perhaps I'll end up on the President's list again. =) I saw my name on that list today, and I was so, so proud! Made me feel incredible.

One of my psychology teachers today said something that was both funny, and a little bit sad. Apparently, our psych department's students are known for the ability to always come up with an excuse for their actions - always. She said it stems from the fact that we're learning to pick apart others' excuses, but she also said something else that struck home with me. You can't teach children to live life on excuses, because they won't get anywhere and it won't do them any good in life. They have to own their mistakes, or choices, or whatever, and take responsibility. It made me think a lot about how last year, I made a lot of excuses. It wasn't a pretty year for me, and I saw that facing me in a full-length mirror today while trying on clothes.

The sight that greeted me had so many emotions running through me. Sadness. Disgust. Anger, for sure - at myself. Why didn't I love myself enough to give myself the gift of health? Why did I make so many excuses? I don't know, maybe I was just being weak and hiding from my needs, but I'm trying now, and that's all that counts. Every day won't be incredible, but every day is a step towards making myself a better person, mind, body and soul. That's got to count for something.

I officially signed up for the Slim and Sassy challenge this evening, as I have all of the tools to complete the challenge at my disposal now. I start tomorrow, which is incredibly exciting. I'm hoping for great results - because everyone needs a little challenge, right? Perhaps it'll kick my butt into gear.

I'm going to jot down my starting weight tomorrow, and also post my measurements. Tonight, I'll leave you with an image of my motivation board - it's almost done. =) I'm happy with it.

Have a good night, everyone. I'm going to hit the sheets so I can get up for class again tomorrow.

Hooray for School!

I started classes today. More like class - the other three start tomorrow.. Woo, long day head of me. Today's class was ethnology, and it was the longest 50 minutes of my life - even though I like the teacher. It was jam-packed with warm bodies, and I don't really like being trapped in the tables. The last time I was in this classroom, I was pregnant and pukey and very sleepy about 98% of the time.

I don't have much to report today, really. I got to go to Trader Joe's last night, Mr. A surprised me with flowers after I'd whisked our little tot to the car after a meltdown induced by massive amounts of busy Pittsburgians, and we ate incredible, but not very healthy food. I'm still on the search for a toy box for little miss's ever growing amount of toys that are currently littering my living room floor. The one I want is sold out on Overstock. Sad face! =(

Today, though, I hit the jackpot for awesome. We used a little money and got a pizza stone (which I've been wanting for forever), and I picked up two water bottles - one for my car so that I can constantly have water in there to drink on the go, and a glass one for when I use my oils in my water, since you can't use them in plastic. We also got the tiny Jarl her own little throne. I'll put pictures up when I can be bothered to take some.. that time isn't tonight, as I really should already be in bed. Sigh. Statistics first thing in the morning - yuck.

I submitted an application to my college's Wellness Program today. It's basically the free opportunity to get a nutritionist and a personal trainer starting at the end of this month and spanning until right before school ends. It's a pretty awesome chance if I get approved, but I really don't know how many spots they have and I was a little late in applying. The only thing that's holding me back from the Slim and Sassy competition at this point is getting a newspaper.. Kind of silly, but I don't make the time to do it, and you need one to prove that your pictures are recent. I have until Wednesday, but I'm going to try and knock it out tomorrow.

I'm quite serious about my health this time... I think feeling like crap has finally gotten old.

In any case, I'm gonna go shower, brush my teeth, and get ready for my second day of classes. =)

Have a good night, y'all.

Last day of freedom.

Today is my last day of freedom before school starts, and it looks like such a gross day outside. It makes me feel all lazy and uninspired to move quickly or, you know, do any form of chores. Luckily there's not really an overwhelming amount of chores to do, most of what needs done lies purely in the form of little odds and ends and papers cluttering up our space. I really don't know how we accumulate so much junk... Maybe that'll be a good thing to discover as this year progresses so that we can nip it in the butt.

In any case, I figure that since it's such a nasty day out, and Mr. A is off working hard chopping veggies and prepping yummy foods, and it's just the tiny Jarl and I today, it's just going to be a lazy morning. She's alternating between watching Barney (*sigh*) and playing with her animal books - they make noises for her, so she loves them. And mama? She's going to alternate between picking up a tiny bit so she doesn't feel like a total lazy ass, and reading. I'm on my fifth book in the past month since I've been out of school, the third of this series that Mr. A found by chance at BAM one day. I stole his books and have been reading themselves - and I really like them! It's this series:

The Outcast Chronicles - Rowena Cory Daniells

It's just a really interesting concept. I can't wait to see how she ends the series.

Anyways, I've also been up to some other fun things - like a minor crafty night with the husband! We wanted to make a Date Night jar so that we don't have to hee-haw around wasting time when we actually get the chance to go on a date together sans the little one. The jar itself isn't done, but the sticks are... They're color-coded by type of activity - purple sticks are for dates at home, orange sticks are for mid-grade expensive, and the pink are for the major hitters. I think. I may have pink and orange mixed up. Anyways, I'll post an updated picture when I decide what to do with the jar.

Date Night jar!

Last night, we experimented with our dinner (which had to happen quickly because I had a mini date-night with a friend of mine at a Dirty Spelling Bee - quite hilarious, mind you). We've heard that when you put pumpkin in spaghetti sauce, you can't tell it's there, and we have four giant cans of pumpkin that needs to be used before they expire, so I decided to try a pumpkin sauce - no red added. Well, I didn't read the recipe right and added TOO much pumpkin, so it was a little bland, even after we dressed it up - so we just added in some red sauce and more spices, and it turned out alright. We served it over homemade ravioli, which also turned out pretty awesome... I found a new love for my wonton wrappers!

Mr. A wasn't crazy about the sauce, but he said it grew on him and that he wanted to try it over super spicy manicotti or ravioli, so that may be another dinner this week.

Pumpkin sauce ravioli

Other experiments for this week include making my first FULL chicken in the crock pot so that I can pull the bones out and make my own broth. Fingers crossed that I don't screw it up horribly. *wink* I'm also going to make breakfast oatmeal cupcakes to grab on the go for classes this week, and when my crock pot is free of chicken juice, I'm going to make some pumpkin pie crock pot oatmeal. I'm so glad pumpkin is actually good for you, otherwise this would be a terrible week for weight loss, but I'm calling it our "Pumpkin Week!" Haha.

Anyways, the reason I'm really writing today - weigh-in! It is Sunday, after all. I need to do my measurements soon (like before the 15th), but today, I'm happy to say that I've seen a loss and that I'm glad to be back to reporting progress instead of the excuses I'd been offering all of the last year and a half. It feel great!

That's a 2.3lb loss! Wewt!

Goals for my week:
Continue monitoring my portions
Drink more water!! Good gawd, how is it so hard to remember to hydrate?!
Get a little workout routine going on
Be happy!

Have a great Sunday!

Long day.

Today didn't go exactly as planned. The construction team that's been working on our complex came in at 7:30 this morning to replace our furnace, stating that it would only take two hours. Since we had some grocery shopping to do, I figured that'd be alright and we'd give them some extra time while we did some of our major errands. Fast-forward almost five hours later, and they were still here when we got home to bring in groceries. This put us in a pickle - poor little L desperately needed a nap, and it would've been great to be able to make lunch in our own apartment... But instead, we decided to go ahead to the bank (which is like 30-45 minutes away) and run more errands that we'd planned anyhow, but wanted to intersect with lunch and nap time.

We ended up walking around the mall there (which let me tell you, with a toddler strapped to your front, is QUITE the work out!) and looking around to kill time. It was a nice little deviation from the ragged running of errands, but we left because our little one was having sleepy-induced meltdowns and we were getting kind of hungry. We did splurge a bit and get Auntie Ann's cinnamon pretzel bites, but I think Fate decided to step in and literally bitch slap them out of Adam's hand in order to tell us it wasn't something that we actually needed. Well played, Fate. Well played.

We got home a second time, and they were STILL in  our apartment. This was eight hours later. I felt so bad for L, she just kept rubbing her eyes and whining and laying her little head on me... We ended up taking her to my mom's house, where we thought for sure she'd nap with her Nana, but it didn't happen. Instead, we went out to dinner as a family, and had many more meltdowns, followed by a little additional shopping for things that we'd forgotten in the frenzy. She's now peacefully nestled in bed, as I should be but am not... Sigh. I'm finally losing this strange wind that came on me and kept me awake! Hooray.

Today, I became an IPC for doTerra oils, officially. I should get my kit in the mail by Monday or so, which is extremely exciting. I have a few (prospective and new) customers lined up already, and maybe even a friend who wants to enroll under me, so that's pretty incredible. I'm hoping for big things with doTerra, though I'd honestly just be happy with the 20% discount on products! Haha. I've been using the Balance and Serenity at bedtime, and Balance and Elevation when I wake up... it seems to really be helping my moods out, and for that, I'm very grateful. I can't wait to try some of the other oils for the different uses - I've been using too much ibuprofen lately, so I'm sure my liver would thank me if I gave it a break while treating my headaches naturally.

I tried the Slim and Sassy oil in my water last night. Note to self: pay attention to how much you're using! I can't really tell it's in there while actively drinking, but it's got a nice, minty aftertaste. I don't mind it, but the amount that I used (in my defense, I couldn't see the oil coming out, so I just kept shaking it.. ahem) caused a bit of heartburn. Still, I enjoyed it.

Speaking of Slim and Sassy... I'm entering their Slim & Sassy 2014 competition to lose weight! It spans from January 15th-April 15th. That's four months, and I'll have to use the Slim & Sassy oil and two other products - which won't be hard for me, because I planned to use them anyways. I'll give more details later.

For now, I think I'm going to hit the hay. I'm actually tired! Yay! It only took it being 1:20 in the morning for it to happen.. perhaps mama is the overtired one..? ;)

Silly arctic vortex.

It's been way too cold to function normally outside. Cold enough that just walking out makes my fingers feel like they're going to freeze and crack off, and my cheeks get all frozen - not good. It always makes me afraid that I'll have another episode of Bells Palsy. =/ I was once told it can be triggered by cold, so I'm wary of these frigid temps.

Anyway, they haven't been great for much motivation, but I've been doing alright as far as my portioning and eating alright. We haven't started the 8 weeks to less processed foods thing yet, mainly because I actually want to get the majority of processed stuff out of our apartment beforehand to make it a bit easier - and less tempting. We've been doing ok - just ok - on not eating out all of the time. But yesterday when we ate out, I got a wrap and subbed out my fries for a salad. I don't like fries much these days, anyways, so it's not really a hard substitute for me when I do enjoy salad quite a bit.

I should be getting my student loans in tomorrow so that I can order my books. I'm a little nervous about the semester starting on Monday, but we got everything worked out so that childcare is covered without us having to pay out of our asses, so that's nice. Thank goodness for amazing friends coming through to lend a helping hand. I'm also planning to pay off and pay down some debts so that the next few months are manageable, and because we'll be putting away all cards unless we really need them, there's no reason to think that we'll be too hard off financially as we step into our more "responsible adult" shoes.

I'm also planning to become an IPC for doTerra oils! I'm super excited... These oils are little miracles in vials, totally pure, all natural.. most of the ones I've had exposure to smell pretty good, but best of all, they promote health! I'm going to start adding some of the Slim and Sassy oil to my water to help with my weight-loss journey, and instead of using medication to treat my depression/anxiety, I'm going to be using some of their blends - and actually have been using them for a few days now.

I can definitely tell the difference in my mood.. I'm really, really loving the mood boost and more energy. =) I'm thinking that'll translate into some exercise motivation soon! I'm also going to start making my own cleaners once all of the ones I have are used up - less money spent in the long run, and less chemicals to expose me, Mr. A, and my tiny heart to. That's always a plus.

One thing I really, really need to work on more... Water intake. It seems to be a steep-hilled battle for me at this point. How is it possible for one person to be so forgetful? Oi.

Mr. A and are going to sign up for the ElectroDash5k, so we're going to need to start training soon. It should be really fun to run to electronic dance music decked out in glow sticks all rave-style, right? Par-tay in the streets and all that jazz. Haha. The other ones I wouldn't mind doing are the CASA Superhero run and the Color Me Rad. Food for thought. =) Who'd have really entertained the idea of ME running? Certainly not I, but definitely something to strive for.

Well, we have a busy day ahead of us tomorrow, what with the construction workers coming in to install a new furnace and apparently cut holes in our walls to lower the vents? I have no clue. I just nod my head, smile, and hope they don't mess up our stuff.

Happy Hump Day to y'all!

Distinct lack of motivation, but doing it anyways.

You know, I've been looking around at everyone else's resolutions and goals for 2014, and I keep feeling this pressure to find my own a little faster, but the truth is that I just.. haven't narrowed them down yet. Maybe I haven't given them the thought of day they deserve, but I've been trying really hard to manage other aspects of my life that popped up without any warning. Sigh.

I was hoping to have said aspects dealt with by the time school started again on Monday, but that doesn't look like it's going to happen, sadly. But, in good news, I stepped on the scale yesterday, and despite all of the stress (and the not-so-great eating), I registered a loss. =) That always makes me happy.

.5lb loss. Half a pound is still half a pound.

Anyways, there are a few that I've narrowed down, so I figured I'd post them while I'm actually of the mind to remember what, exactly, they were.

I'd like to eat less processed food and start actually cooking more at home. This way, at least I'll know what's going into our food and can control it a little better - and it'll save money!

Speaking of money, I want to be more financially frugal. I want to consider what I'm spending money on. Can I really afford this? Do I really need it? Why do I want it in the first place, and probably one of the most important things at this point - do I have ROOM for it in my apartment? Haha. Such a small living space, already crammed full as is!

One of the goals I struggle with the most (aside from money these days, of course) is drinking water. I used to be exceptional at this, but I'm not sure what happened. Maybe if I mix it up and flavor my water naturally throughout the day (though not always - I tend to just enjoy cold water, plain), it'll help some. I don't know, but it sure would be nice.

Perhaps a bit generically, I want to learn to love myself. I don't know when I started to hate myself as a whole, but I think that it's not healthy and it's not helping me in my life whatsoever. I need to love me before I can truly love anybody else (at least, in a healthy way - emotionally, I can feel it most of the time, but I don't think I love fairly when I feel like I can't measure up. If that makes sense?)

I'd like to work on my relationship - seriously. I have a lot of books to read on true expectations for relationships and how to fix relationships post-affair, etc. I'll probably write about my thoughts on this stuff, too, as I go through them.

Annnnd, that's all I can think of for right now.

My mini goal for the moment: Lose 10% of my weight by the end of April or so, give or take. Loose deadline. However, I'd really like to be in the 200's by my birthday, which is in 6 weeks. That gives me some time to lose the 11.7, at the very least. I can do that. =)

Here's my first progress picture of the year. I'm hoping to see progress by the beginning of next year.

New year, new layout, new blog start.

Hello there, 2014. I hope you're a better year than 2013 was by a long stretch - just know that I plan to make the very best of your presence either way, and I will strive to make you my best year yet. 

You may have noticed that all of my previous content has been deleted - this is because I felt like I needed a fresh start in this space. I don't want to consider my new lifestyle change anything other than just that - an actual lifestyle change. It's not a diet. It's not turning myself into a war machine overnight. It's a gradual transition from totally unhealthy, wanting to be healthy, to being healthy because I'm realizing my wants to be healthy. Does that make sense?

I've come to the conclusion that I cannot expect perfection from myself. I can only expect accountability and responsibility. Every day will not be perfect, but I will do what I can to make each day count in my journey. I look forward to blogging again, and the excitement that each milestone gave me before when I did this, and I'm hoping to re-integrate myself back into the blogging "scene" so that I can support others, and hopefully gain some support myself. =)

I'm looking forward to catching up with some old friends, as well. It's been too long.

In the interest of protecting the sanctity of my name for my future occupation, I'll only be going by A from now on, and my husband will be Mr. A, my daughter simply L. Not that I intend to post anything that'll be terrible, of course, but I've become more aware of how things that I say can be construed and I'd hate to lose a job opportunity based upon my internet identity. That wouldn't be cool at all. ;) 

In any case. I can hardly believe my little peanut is now 16 months old, changing with each and every day. She's learning new skills, and perfecting older ones... But I think, as of today, she may actually be getting tired of her own messes! Haha. She keeps sliding on the stuff she throws on the floor and it makes her mad. Truly, cutest thing on earth, but I hope that's the case so she picks up after herself.

I thought I wanted to do my yearly goals/resolutions today... But I don't. I'm kind of tired, and I'm still thinking on them quite heavily, so I'll take a few days to process them while sorting through the most recent of life's curve balls. 

Much peace and happiness to you all this year! May 2014 bring you great tidings. =)